Janell Sihay

I'm back home.

Janell Sihay

On the flight home. June 2023.

My kyusi life ended earlier than expected.

I originally planned to finish my thesis before going home. Unfortunately, my mother was once again rushed to the hospital after a fall. So, I decided to book the next flight because I realized that I might be unable to focus anyway from worrying about home. She's fine now, she's just back to doing physical therapy.

It's been a couple of days and I have made slow progress on my thesis. I noticed that a huge part of my focus is really on the environment and routine. In Diliman, the first and only thing I think about when I wake up is what section to write or what figures to make for the day. Here at home, I need to think about the things I need to do the night before. But even if I have a whole to-do list prepared, it still feels like I'm just putting out fires all day. And even if I have done a lot, it also feels like I had nothing accomplished.

I feel kind of sad that that chapter of my life is over. It was during that time that I really enjoyed working on my thesis. It was not something I dreaded, it was more of a daily challenge that kept my mind preoccupied for the entire day. It was also truly helpful that my adviser was just a room away when I needed help, and that I can have casual conversations with my labmates about marine science life. On the weekends, I do my laundry, get groceries, and go to a coffee shop, still to work on my thesis. Nevertheless, I am grateful for the experience albeit it only lasted for a short while.

Here's a short reel showing snippets from my daily routine in Diliman.