Janell Sihay

Gratitude Log #3

I find it hard to be grateful when my mind is stuck in negative thought loop. In the past months I found myself deep into bad habits and self-hate, driven by shame about past events and anxiety about the future. I'd describe my current situation as being under this heavy grey cloud, which is ironic because right now where I live it's so hot and humid. I am happy to report I am slowly managing and catching some glimpses of sunshine through this dark cloud.

Here are some of things that I'm grateful I started doing that helped me manage negative thoughts and emotions:

  1. I started reading Don't Worry: 48 Lessons on Relieving Anxiety from a Zen Buddhist Monk by Shunmyo Masuno. It's an easy read, in fact I am halfway through it. It surprised me that so far the lessons written in the book are things that I already know. I guess I have always known how to manage my anxiety and depression, but I just didn't know how to do it.

  2. I started deep cleaning my room! One thought that kept popping up that made me feel bad was that my room was a mess, it was full of dust and it made me feel disorganized and undisciplined. See how the triggering thought of my room not being clean directly jumped to self-hate? That's how my mind worked when I leave it unchecked for too long. Anyway, I still have to purge and organize my clothing but now I already have a functional desk!

  3. I opened up to my friends. I am so grateful I have them in my life as my support system. I realized that we all feel down at times and we just need people to remind us that these are things we go through, it will never go away, we just get better at facing these the more we encounter them. So, there is no way but forward, the dark cloud will always be there, but I am so lucky we all have each other to catch some glimpses of sunshine together.