Janell Sihay

Disengaged

Today I removed* myself from the internet.

Once again, I deactivated my Facebook and Instagram. I protected my tweets and limited the visibility of my LinkedIn page. I also reverted my old wordpress blog, unpublished my Facebook Page, and unlinked the Blog from my main page. So technically, only bearblog readers from the Discover page can read my posts. I think.

I just felt like disappearing for a while; I couldn't bear the thought of someone else knowing about me and what I think. Which is really ironic because blogging is something I find therapeutic. Maybe I just don't want people who know me personally to have 'access' to my life.

So what led me to this decision?

I will now be working full-time as a research assistant at my lab. This is on top of the two part-time jobs that I juggle: a teaching job and another research work but for a law center. It's funny, I don't find it that overwhelming, maybe because the "type" of work in the three jobs all revolve around my interest: marine science. And oh, I am still a master's student. I just submitted my proposal draft and I'm hoping I could present it to the public for comments sometime in late September. I am grateful for the opportunities I have right now, especially that I get to work all of my 3 jobs and write my thesis at the comfort of my own home. Anyway, so my point is, I need to be laser-focused so I can deliver my best in all of my current endeavors.

I also would like to reframe what I think is fun and worthy of my time. I am usually on my phone scrolling, doomscrolling or swiping every minute for that quick dopamine hit. I would like to consume better materials now, like books, documentaries, or high quality films and shows. I also would like to develop this attitude of wanting to work on difficult tasks, like data analysis or writing. I find myself loathing the thought of having to do these tasks, but when I get to it I lose track of time. I realized that doing difficult tasks is my flow. I just have it wired it in my brain that I need to be entertained all the time. But, in reality, the most meaningful things require hours of delayed gratification.

#update

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